breathe baby breathe

Its humorous to me that my last post was about moving and my "insights" for how to embrace change.  Funny, it always looks much easier from the outside.  Isn't that always the way it is?  We watch our friends or perfect strangers do something and we think we see so clearly how to go about "it" the "right" way.  (That tempts me to write about how everyone is facing some kind of challenge or stress or decision and that Please, Please, Please BE KIND because we have no way of knowing how much courage is required just for that person to leave the house.  But I digress.)  Back to moving: my partner and I are looking for a house and the BIG CHANGE that alternately beckons and looms is a bit stressful.  I have a new appreciation for my parents who, while they've lived together for fifty some odd years, had the guts to pack up their home and move hundreds of miles away to a new town, new house, new life: the unknown.  Ahh, there we have it.  The unknown.  I thought i was going to write about moving but i guess it is really about me and the unknown and how i struggle against that. ( humorous to see that as soon as i hit on the "real" focus of this post, my capitalization went away; i am anti-big-letters.  i also tend to be pro run-on sentences and rambling and dashes and .....s).

i feel better already - breathe, make friends with the unknown, trust my gut.  all that stuff i probably put in my post about my parents but of course did not apply to myself.

the house thing:  i am an adaptable sort of person.  its a gift.  we saw a house a few days ago that made me want to cry, scream, despair.  i felt affronted.  i couldn't believe that my partner was actually considering this house.  then i sat with it for a few minutes and the next thing i knew i was planning to change this, make use of that differently, alter that bit over there.  to the point that i actually felt somewhat disappointed (its a good twelve hours later and i am just beginning to feel relieved) that we are not going to move into that house.  i think some part of me was ok with the house because at least i was no longer swinging in the unknown.  here was a physical house and i could latch on, move in, make use of it.  now we are back to the hunt and yes, the unknown.  i will acknowledge the slight tension, the resistance, stick my tongue out (respectfully) at the monster under the bed, invite the unknown in for a cup of tea, and celebrate (hey, sometimes you have to fake it to make it, right?)